A little story (Today's 2nd post)

We found this on one of the website's we've been using to learn about attachment disorder. This little story describes it quite well from a child's view.....................so anyone in Children's Ministry......consider this as we minister to the kids in our classrooms.....................

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I AM NOT SAYING

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wearFor I wear a mask -A mask that I'm afraid to take off.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me..But don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure.
That all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without.
That confidence is my name and coolness is my game.
That the water's calm and I'm in command.
And that I need no one.But don't believe me.......Please.

My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask.
Beneath swells the real me in confusion - in fear - alone - in pain.
But I hide this; I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness; fears and pain being exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind.
I need help....help that is followed by caring from people who care enough to help me.
It's the only thing that can liberate me.
From myself; from my own self-built prison walls.
From the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself - that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.I'm afraid you'll think less of me and that you'll laugh.
And your laugh would hurt me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good.
And that you'll see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate game, with a mask of assurance without.
And a trembling child within.

I dislike hiding. Honestly.
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing, the superficial, phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous...and me.
But you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes the emptiness and pain I try not to feel.
Only you can help me.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging.
Each time you try to understand because you really care my heart begins to grow wings.
Very small wings; very feeble wings. But wings.

With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding, you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me.
How you can be the creator of the person that is me if you choose to.
Please choose to.
You alone can break down the wall from behind which I tremble.
You alone can remove my mask.
You alone can release me from my shadow world of panic and uncertainty - from my lonely prison.
So do not pass me by. Please do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness and anger builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational. Sometimes I'm irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love, caring, and kindness are stronger than strong walls; in this lies my hope.
My only hope.
Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder. I am someone you know very well.For I am every man you meet. And I am every woman you meet.

Party and picnic time!

We had Svetlana's little party for her group on Friday. It ended up being only 10 kids in her immediate group and we were able to do it at their normal snack time. Grant brought her flowers and we had lots of fruit, juice and cookies for the kids. The Deputy Director (Supervisor of the teachers) - Tatianna - made a little speech and had Svetlana stand up and all the kids clapped for her to wish her well in America. It was really cute. We also brought her a 'ball/paddle kit'. Not sure how to explain it - the ball has suction cups on it, so when you throw it, the paddle is like a mit, and the ball sticks to it when you catch it. She is very athletic - we're not sure what sport to get her into - gymnastics, soccor, or softball - she can throw really well! And she learns really fast.

Today, we were able to take Svetlana to the church picnic. We meet the American missionaries a little ways from our apartment and then took a taxi out to the place along one of the rivers. We got a chance to meet some of the Americans on the team that just arrived yesterday from Melbourne. We have a feeling that we will be coming back here in the future for more than just visiting Svetlana's sister. We had a typical Ukrainian lunch with sausage/keilbasa on bread with vegetables and fruit. Svetlana wanted to go on the water and really wanted to find the 'mattress' to float on. Someone was using the one from the church and there was a second one but we couldn't find it. Well, while we were talking and watching her, she looked like she was making friends with people - she's not shy for most things. Then, she comes up to us and says that she wants to use the mattress to go in the water. When we said we didn't know where the other one was at, she said - Ihra can take us to it and then I can use it. She wasn't making friends - she was on a mission - a mattress mission! She was going around asking everyone where it was until she found someone who knew. She is very determined!

It was also very cool that we were able to be there for the baptism of 7 people from the church. Anything we can expose Svetlana to we are grateful for. It was like being at home - but we stood there and thought - here we are in the middle of Ukraine, with our new daughter, witnessing a baptism at our sister church....who would have thought we would be doing this? It's pretty awesome the things that God has done to bring us to this point.

Before we went to the picnic though, we gave Svetlana her computer. She loves it! We showed her how to do the ABC's in both English and Russian - but it looks like she is more interested in learning how to add and subtract. She will be able to use this for a long time!

We haven't been able to find out about meeting with Svetlana's sister before we leave Poltava. Her sister went to summer camp, and the director is not a very friendly man. He usually doesn't let any of the kids leave the camp for any reason (not even if there parents come to get them). So, please pray that we will be able to have this time together before we leave. The Poltava inspector wrote a special letter to request that she leave for a day since her sister is permanently moving to America. They went today, but the director was not there, so they are going back tomorrow morning. This is the hard thing to deal with in Ukraine - when someone has this much control over a person's life and there is nothing you can do about it - except it makes you learn to be real nice to your opposition real fast! We hope that we will be having dinner tomorrow night.

Sergei was able to get the person at the vital records office in Globino to handle our request for Svetlana's birth certificate on her day off (yeah!) so we will be able to go down there Monday to get it and should be able to complete everything else on Tuesday, and then be able to head back to Kiev.

Time flying..........

We can't believe it's Thursday already! We have been busy wrapping up paperwork and trying to schedule things to do. We have still been going to the orphanage everyday - sometimes twice. Keep in mind it's a little over a mile each way we walk - so we get a good work out! We were down in the woods with the kids this week as they collected grasshoppers and flowers....and mosquitos! We're surprised these kids aren't one big mosquito bite!

We went shopping yesterday and actually found a billingual learning computer for kids - Russian and English - to help her learn English from it and get her use to computers. We can use it to practice our Russian too! We were able to get the tax number today that we had filed for on Tuesday. This is like a Social Security Number, so we had to have Svetlana's name changed on it in order to get her Ukrainian passport. This is good. Now all we need is the new birth certificate and official court decrees. We have to go to her place of birth to get the birth certificate - Globino - about 2 hours away. Sergei will be going tomorrow to make a request in person that they prepare everything in advance and ask someone to come in on their day off (Monday) so we can go and pick it up. So we may be finished here in Poltava on Tuesday - Wednesday at the latest.

Yesterday while shopping we ran into our Italian friends and we all got together to have lunch today. We just happened to pick a restaurant that has menu's in Ukrainian, English and Italian! How 'bout that! Their translator was out of town, so some conversation went like this: We speak, Sergei interprets to Ukrainian to Nadia (their daughter) who interprets to Italian! and vice versa! Nadia is 8 and has been to Italy 3 times already with a host family and speaks very good Italian! We actually somehow can understand each other - learning some new Italian words (we are really going to be mixed up when we get home!) Svetlana and Nadia had a good time playing afterwards between tennis, frisbee and soccor. We have noticed there is some sort of bond that happens between the kids when they are being adopted. The other girl Olya, who hopefully is being adopted, now they seem to be pretty good buddies as well.

We are having a party for Svetlana tomorrow at the orphanage with the kids in her group. We were asked not to bring cake, but fruit and juice (gee - you think they don't want to deal with 30 kids on a sugar high?) I guess cotton candy is out of the question! Saturday we have the church picnic to go to, and Sunday we hope to get together with Svetlana's sister and her caretakers/family. Then Monday will be the big day, when we can remove Svetlana from the orphanage. We really think that even with all the long process in Ukraine, it really helps the kids make a slow transition into a family, which means less initial shock. We know it's helped us to make a transition into being parents.

Need to contact you Deb........

To our neighbor Deb............you said you might be able to pick us up when we return - we can't find your e-mail address or phone. E-mail us at harriscreations@netzero.net. If someone in the neighborhood sees this..........could you let her know for us?


Thanks!

Calvary Chapel Poltava + Comedy Central

We were able to take Svetlana with us this morning to church. We also had met the other couple that we had posted before about praying for them, whether or not they would be adopting 2 girls at the orphanage. It appears they are proceeding, and we happened to run into them in the grocery market, so they ended up coming to church with us as well. They were going to another church as well later in the day, so it worked out good, since there is still an American Pastor at Calvary and she really needed to hear other people in English!

When we got to church, Grant went in to find someone who could translate for us for Svetlana, to see if she wanted me to go with her to Sunday School - since this was her first time there. When Grant had gone in, he felt someone tap him on the shoulder.....it was a very familiar face! When I turned around as Grant came out - he said - look who I found..............it was Sasha! Our friend who use to run the EEO camps when we went before and who had stayed with us a few years back on her visit to the U.S.! We were all in tears to see each other again. She doesn't even live in Poltava but in Kiev. She had come in early for something else she was handling this week. She had asked why we were here, and when we told her we were adopting she was in tears again and we were able to introduce her to our daughter. God is soooooo good! We hope to be able to get with her in Kiev when we go back and spend some time with her.

On the way home, we stopped at the park in the square, because we had seen some really cute things there before. We let her take a ride in one of the powered cars. She picked the one like a big stuffed dog! I would stay off the road while she's driving though! Then we let her pick out a balloon/toy and she picked a cow, which she has now named Dasha. So all they way back to the orphanage she was telling us all about her cow and the good milk it gives. The rest of the day, she had it with her everywhere and was showing everybody her cow! She took it for a walk, and made sure it was fed by grazing in the yard by the playground.

We are in day 3 of our 10 day wait before we have full custody of her. So sometime next week we will be going back to Kiev, visit the Embassy, and then hopefully on to the EEO camp for a couple of days before our scheduled return.
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COMEDY CENTRAL (we have joked with Sergei, so feel we are safe...)

1. In America, we say - everything tastes like chicken
In Ukraine, the chicken tastes like beef ("Is it chicken or is it beef? We call it chow!)

2. How many Ukrainians does it take if you want to purchase a loaf of bread? 4
One to tell you what line to stand in
One to ask you what kind of bread
One to take your money
and one to give you your bread

3. How do you mow a lawn in Ukraine?
You pull the lawmower behind you while smoking a cigarette

4. What do little Ukrainian girls like on their peanut butter sandwich?
Salami (Fu! - translation - Yuck!) - (Yes - she really likes this)

5. How do you know when a Ukrainian translator has been in the refrigerator late at night?
The cheese has teeth marks on it and the mayo is half gone

Yes - we are having a lot of fun and have a translator with a great sense of humour!

Victory Park, lunch and new words

Today, we decided to take Svetlana to Victory Park. It is a park that was named for a battle that was fought years ago between Soviets and Afghanistan (I think). It's on the way we walk to the orphanage everyday. It's just a regular park, but has some rides in the back and places to eat - nothing fancy. Svetlana had her choice of rides. We had a train like a bull, bumper ducks on water (see picture), bumper cars, bounce house, merry-go round (if you want to call it that - she looked pretty bored - didn't move up and down), and a hanging circular swing - you know the kind you sit on and goes in a circle so it swings you out to the side - that one she chickened out of after getting in the seat. She really enjoyed the bounce house. It looked like a shark and the mouth had teeth and would open and close so it looked like it was eating the kids!










We stayed there for a while and then took her back to the apartment so we could eat and show her where we had been staying. We had told her that we would be coming back after eating, and she seemed to understand as we were using some words we knew and some new ones from the dictionary. Everything was fine, we got into the apartment we showed her around, and then all of a sudden she started crying, but we couldn't understand why. We thought she understood we were going back, I could here her say 'I want' and couldn't understand the rest. We thought - Oh my, if she is having shock set in like she finally understands more she is really going to America, it's starting sooner than we expected. We thought maybe she realized she wouldn't see her sister anymore - who knows....So we made an emergency phone call to Sergei - he was on his way back walking, but then took a taxi back instead. By the time he got back she had calmed down some, Grant was starting to get some things out of the refrigerator and Sergei asked her what had happened - why she was crying. Thank goodness! She just wanted to go back to the park! Whew! So we ate and had some fun at the apartment. Sometimes we learn new words because we need to, and sometime by accident. Today, as we were playing and she fell on her 'rear' and was laughing, Grant in his humour, pointed to his rear and said 'tooshi'. Sergei started laughing after she said something, and she had said 'So-what, I have panties too!'. Then Sergei told us she thought Grant said 'trousie' which means underwear! So we all had a good laugh from that one!

We went back to the park for more bounce house and cotton candy. We had stopped at the store on the way to the apartment and I guess she was eyeing a Snickers bar, so we told her she could have Snickers or cotton candy. So we got a real good size cotton candy before dropping her off at the orphanage. (Isn't that what all good parents do? Give there kids sugar and then drop them off to someone else? ha ha).

We all had a lot of fun today and are beginning to be able to communicate some new rules to her. We have been told there is a mentality of 'survival of the fittest' at most orphanages, and we have been observing some subtleties of this, mainly of behavior and attitudes going unchecked of all the kids. It is hard for her to realize that not everyone has this way of thinking/treating others. It is a delicate balance to know what needs to be corrected (and how) because a lot of it is rooted in wrong thinking and lack of teaching/training. I'm sure it is very hard for her because it means losing some of her freedom in making her own choices until she can learn to make better choices.

We hope to take her to church tomorrow. The Deputy Director has been letting us take her without the Director's approval since she is out until Monday, so she is a little nervous. I'm sure the director would let us take her out, she just doesn't want to overstep her authority. Whatever takes place though, it will be good.

Day at the theatre

Today we were able to go to the theatre with Svetlana and the other kids at the oprhanage. It was actually right next to our apartment. Stage theatre is a very big part of the Ukrainian culture. We hope to find something for Svetlana to become active in that will help facilitate this for her - she is a bit of a 'drama queen' - but really - from what we have seen in her, she would probably do well and enjoy it. The play was about lost time - kids not using there time to study but playing instead of going to school and then what happens to them when they get old. It was actually very comical. At one point, they came off the stage looking for one of their friends who was lost and as they came through the audience - of course they spotted Grant on the end and pulled him up asking the kids ' Is this Vasha' - then they saw Grant's backpack and then they took that - 'Oh this must be him he has his bags' (to the best of our translation). Suzanne and the teacher from the orphanage were in tears! We thought he was going to end up on stage, but then the kids were yelling 'no-no that's not Vasha' - and they let him go and kept looking for him.

We are hoping to get permission to take Svetlana for the day tomorrow and for church on Sunday. She didn't seen too interested when the girl from church came today to tell the kids a Bible story, but she's not to interested in anything other than playing right now probably because she is in a comfortable environment - her own 'territory'.

Sergei got our court paper today and has to file for a new 'tax number' (like a SSN number) for Svetlana for her new name. It may be Tuesday and then may take a week, and we need to have it to get her Ukrainian passport. So hopefully somebody will make an exception and do it Monday for him.


Sergei is also helping another couple at the orphanage now. Please pray for them also and the 2 girls they are considering adopting. There are some difficult paper/legal issues that they may turn there backs on the kids after they have bonded with them a little bit, but if they are not truly the parents God has chosen for them, that they would leave before any further damage is done to these girls hopes.

We are anxious to have Svetlana with us all the time, but having her out with us for part of they day only now is probably a better transition for both her and us as she wears us out pretty quick!